There are certain dilemmas that are commonly faced by many but not actually getting resolved. Truth is that even if the solution is present, no one talks about how to reach it. One such common dilemma is the inability to say No, even when it is completely justified.
Why People Find it Difficult to Say No?
The inability to say No doesn’t always come from the lack of boundary awareness. Most of us are aware of what our boundaries are. However, there are certain psychological traits that make us always push these boundaries.
Saying No is a challenge for some people because of their nature being of a people pleaser or workaholic. These traits are not necessarily bad ones. It is ok to be flexible with our boundaries at times because life often works on trade-offs and compromises. But that is where we come to set the limit. We must learn not to stretch that limit and find a balance. If we fail to keep this balance between compromise and justifiable denying, then we will lose motivation and energy in the long run.
Here are 3 Healthy Tips to Learn How to Say NO:
Tuning into Our Inner Sense
We all have instinct. This same instinct allows us to identify when something doesn’t feel right. As a result, we know when our boundaries are being crossed and it is time to say no. The problem is we ignore this inner sense and we start treating it like a compass that indicated yes or no. When you feel like you should not be complying with someone or something; you should follow the direction of the compass.
Tolerating Reactions from Others
When you become aware of your boundaries and start protecting them, others are bound to react. Your no will spark some negative emotions from others. In order to feel not guilty, you must learn to tolerate the behaviors.
The truth is that in a single moment, you will be able to please someone. However, a series of such moments will lead to certain resentment because you kept disrespecting your personal boundaries for that person. In the long run, setting boundaries can actually strengthen your relationships.
Be Compassionate to Yourself
No matter how much you put others before you, it is a requirement that you take care of yourself as well. Furthermore, you can’t spread any more kindness if you are not kind to self. Therefore, show yourself some compassion too. Practice acts of self-care. It can be as simple as treating yourself to a good meal or a warm cup of tea.
It is important to remember that the violation of boundaries does not always have to manifest itself as a tangible event. At times, boundary violations affect people mentally. It can impact their sense of being a good person.
We not only need to learn to set personal boundaries and respect them by saying no when absolutely required but also to respect others as well. Therefore, next time, someone says no to you, it does not necessarily mean that they are being negative. Tolerance and understanding can help solve this dilemma for all of us.
Saying No is a challenge for some people because of their nature being of a people pleaser. FREE WORKSHEET "How to Set Boundaries and Say NO" to help you Say NO without feeling guilty about it.
Romina Tomas, Associate Certified Coach
What are your ways of saying “No”? Let me know in the comments.